The Great Debate

For the last several months Tom and I, but mostly me, have been going back and forth and back and forth on whether we want to have another child. Tom has said several times he doesn't care either way, but that he might like to have a boy. I thought this was funny, because after the girls were born he said he was fine with all girls. I on the other hand don't know, at all. It feels like there is so much that has to go into the decision. I sit and wonder, literally for hours, whether we are being selfish in having another child. For financial reasons, for economic reasons, world temperament, but mostly will it be fair to all the kids. The girls already have to share time with us, what will it be like if there is a third? We have a great family dynamic at the moment, and it is hard to picture that family if there was another child added to it. Also, the girls get along so well, what would it do to them to add another? I wish there was some button you could push that could give you the answers and that there weren't so many uncertainities. I fear that we could have twins again and I don't think we could do it, well we would, but I don't know if I could carry them and wow 4 kids would be a lot for us. I don't want that surgery again, but it would be a for sure thing we if decide to have another. I know that a lot of these questions all parents ask themselves when they decide to expand their families, but I feel like it is a huge weight that is sitting on my shoulders ready to drop at any moment. It may even be years until we truly decide, but then again there in lies more problems, because if we do have another we don't a huge age gap, so once again we are forced to think carefully about what we are doing. I guess I don't want to look down the road in years and say I wish we had had another child and we didn't, but I am sure in the end the decision we make will be right for our family, all of us, because that is what is most important our nice little family and making sure the girls are happy, safe and secure. Ahhhh well, so here is to my great debate...if you have anything to say I would love to hear it, it really is a hard decision, one that we know can only be answered by us and hopefully will some day.