Winning the battles, but losing the war

I have been battling my weight for a large part of my life or for as long as I can remember. I am always "dieting" or watching what I eat, and working out trying to lose "X" amount of pounds. Last year I lost almost 18 pounds and I was so proud of myself. Then enter winter and the holidays and here I am about 5 months later and I have gained back 10 of those pounds. Annoyed and angry with myself I can't stop eating. I pick up something bad, think to myself, "don't eat that" and then follow it with eating what is in my hand and then some. It in all honesty is disgusting and I know I shouldn't do it. Each week we get an organic food delivery. Fresh fruits and veggies and other wholesome organic food that is really good for you and for the most part tastes really good as well. Then I follow it up with chocolate or some of the girls bad for you cookies, it is horrible. I negate the the bad food by "working out" I have trained for and finished one half marathon this year a few weeks ago and I am again currently still training for the Indianapolis Mini Marathon. I of course use my training as an excuse to eat more and more bad junk food and it does nothing for me. Not only am I putting on the weight but the weight is affecting my knees, again, which in turn affects my running. When I was 10, 15 pounds lighter it really made a difference, crazy as it sounds it was easier to run, but as the scale goes up, the harder it gets to run and the more I eat because I am depressed. I know I eat for comfort and mostly because I am bored, and boy do I wish that I could stop this cycle. It is horrible and I keep finding myself trapped in the lose/gain battle that has become my life. Now enter Spring and no more excuses. It is the time of the freshest fruits and veggies, great weather and the chance to be outside, walking and playing with the girls till our hearts are content. Hopefully I will be able to get some of these pounds back off and hit the weights to tone up. Then come next fall and winter, the exercise will not slack and the pounds will not come back. so here is hoping I can keep up with goals and ambitions and keeping the pounds at bay and to ending this life long weight cycle.